Tag: bravery

Timidity

Ah, cursed timidity! It has been my bane for the whole of my life.

I am smart. Maybe even very smart. I believe I’m generous. Kind. I don’t take myself seriously even as I am serious about my thoughts and ideas. I believe in the importance of living life for our own individual prosperity (broadly defined, to include emotional and intellectual satisfaction along with material wealth) as well as for our collective benefit, not sacrificing one for the other. My instincts are usually spot on, and, despite the current evidence of this paragraph to the contrary, I am humble enough to know that my strengths make me no more worthy of preference than any other person out there.

My faults are many too.

I spend most of my time between my own ears, often oblivious to what’s happening around me. I can be short-tempered, even irascible to those closest to me. I’m indifferent about keeping a clean house and yard, and it can take me a very long time to tackle important tasks that don’t inspire me. And, worst of all, I sometimes use my perceptive powers to wound people where they feel most vulnerable.

The scales may balance in favor of the good me, but the outcome is not overwhelming. What might make it more definitive is if I marshaled my not insignificant capabilities and did something impactful with them. Something that would make the world a better place. And not just marginally either.

Like found a company that would help people all over improve their health by exercising and eating better diets.

Or advocate about how we might find common ground and collectively manage our communities so they serve the needs of more people in more depth.

Or develop a curriculum that teaches us life skills that can prepare us to handle our own affairs more effectively.

Or create a resource that helps teenagers and twenty-somethings manage their transitions to independent, fully-functioning participants in our communities.

You see, ambition isn’t my limiting factor. Nor is capability. I believe I have everything it takes to create something significant. Vision. Ability to build a roadmap to success. Building a strong team. Communicating value to customers, employees, investors. Making decisions to benefit all stakeholders.

Everything, that is, except the willingness to take the risks to actually try.

Maybe one day I will find the courage to make the attempt and sustain it. My history warns against it, but I haven’t lost all hope.

I’m usually not one to quote beer commercials, but sometimes we find eternal truths in unexpected places, so: One life. Don’t blow it.

Validation

We need to be the center of our universe.

Or, said better, we need to be centered in our universe. We need to know ourselves, what matters to us, what our priorities are. We need to know these things to make decisions, both important and not, that allow us to live the life we want to live. If we want to live consistently with our values we need to know what they are.

Without that center, we are likely to be buffeted about. We can never know someone else as well as we know ourselves, and so if we look to others to validate our decisions, we will be constantly shifting, never quite sure which choice brings us closer to expectations. And we will be at a greater risk of making a choice that brings tremendous regret.

It embarrasses me to admit that I have developed a center much later in life than I wish I had. And I am fortunate (perhaps!) that my major regrets are nearly all on the side of missed opportunities rather than life-altering mistakes. I didn’t compromise most of my latent principles or contradict significant inherent values while I was unconscious of them. My worst blemish came when I deceived my parents into believing that I was continuing with graduate school after I had dropped out. It ate me up, but I made a complete confession a few years later, and they forgave me, as parents do. My worst was done to family, who give way more leeway and consider way more positive interactions to balance our sins than people who know us less well. And eventually I accepted that one major lie doesn’t invalidate me completely.

What I have learned from my better-late-than-never experience of finding what’s important to me is that no job, no money, no friendship is worth compromising my values.  I can find other work, I can get by on less money (for a short time at least), and I don’t need friends who encourage me to do things I really don’t want to do.  I have other friends I can impose on in a pinch.  But I will have to face myself every day.  I can make peace with honest mistakes.  But mistakes that I made because I outsourced decisions will haunt me. They have a long tail of recrimination and disappointment.

So know what matters to you. Think about the person you want to be. Ask yourself if you’ll be proud to tell your partner or your parents about the decision you make. Polonius has had it right all along: to thine own self be true.

We’ll have many fewer regrets if we follow his advice.

Courage

What is courage? And, more importantly, can I be brave?

Perhaps it’s my current preoccupation with death, or perhaps it’s the confrontations with my government and other citizens that seem so inevitable as I write these words, but courage has been on my mind a lot recently. And wondering how I will respond in situations when it is required.

I don’t think I’m very brave. I have jumped off a platform with a bungy cord attached to me. I have challenged myself with physical feats of endurance that haven’t been comfortable. I contemplate tattoos and career changes and vegan diets without pause, and I will try new things without reserve (to be fair, only after due deliberation however!).

But that doesn’t feel like courage to me.

In each of those situations I believe I understand the risks and that a disastrous outcome is so unlikely that I don’t need to feed it any emotional energy. I am not afraid, so I don’t need courage. Commitment, resolve, focus, discipline, adaptability – all those, yes. But not courage.

So what does take courage?

I believe in positive. I believe in win-win. I believe in encouraging others, and that we can do our best when we strive for a result by using our strengths rather than avoid an outcome by mitigating our shortcomings. Or maybe I tell myself this because I really hate hurting people. Even merely disappointing others unsettles me, whether or not it’s necessary. I’m not comfortable imposing myself on people either. For me, those circumstances take courage, courage that is often found wanting.

So how will I respond when I am called to do something both important and uncomfortable? Will I rise to the occasion? Alas, I fear the data to this point isn’t very promising.